Today was a day of self-destruction. I woke up and I just instantly knew I wouldn't do anything. I tried to be productive, and I was for a bit: I practiced drawing and played some guitar. Then I kinda got bored and had nothing else to do, so I chain smoked and stress ate like hell.

I feel really empty, really lonely. I feel the need to run from home and move somewhere with people around. I hate living in the countryside, there is nobody around, I'm stuck with my thoughts alone. It's very mentally damaging to not talk to anyone the whole day, but that's pretty much my life.

I'm scared of the long-term effects of it. I'm scared that once I do move to civilization I'll still have the effects of solitude haunt me. It's bitten me in the ass before, especially with ex-lovers, as they became my only escape from solitude, resulting in obsessive tendencies.

I guess I just have to suck it up for the next year, until I move out. But, god I wish I could find someone or something to help me escape my solitude.

My recommendation for today is... nothing, taking a music break ♡