I've been quiet for a while, sorry. I've needed the past 3 days to figure myself out, and I think I have (to the extent that I feel is good enough)

I've been spending quality time with people and it's helped me grow past the feelings of despair. From that, I've been able to get back into the things I enjoy, like I've been sewing and playing guitar a lot more lately.

I was in the shower just before I started writing this and I was thinking about my ex again (as I always do haha), and as I stepped out the shower I thought 'I was happy back then, with her' 'but, I'm also happy now, so why does it matter?' 'well, I've lost someone, perhaps the only one, who cared for me deeply'

"Well, I think the person she cared for deeply was the image she had of me, she didn't care about me as a whole, instead she deeply cared and loved the romanticized version she had created in her mind about me. We both had done so, and when we realised that we were more than that romanticised version of ourselves (that we also had our major faults) we became hostile to eachother. From that hostility we saw no good outcome, so we both secluded ourselves and that was that. It's neither of our fault, it's simply the inexperience we had that resulted in false expectation and hope."

That was nice to think, I've been trying to figure out where we went wrong and I've often come to outlandish conclusions, but I think this is the most simple truth.

God, I have so much to rant abouttt today sorryy

I went out with a girl I barely knew today. Like, she's a classmate of mine, but we've never spoken until last week. After knowing each other for like 1 hour I asked her if she wanted to go out for a coffee with me (not like a date) and she agreed. I was kinda anxious cuz I was scared it'd be awkwarddd, but we spent like 5 hours talking and it flowed really well :D She's really nice, I can't wait to get to know her better :)

I also did my weekly Beck's Depression test and I got a really low score (I think it was 13/63), so it seems that good things lie ahead (yes, if you're reading this, I was thinking of the post-it next to your bed